“And they all lived happily ever after” 

As a child, I used to love reading those words at the end of fairy tales. Just the knowledge that everything would be all right from that point forward was enough to make me happy. Cinderella’s life would be perfect. Snow White would marry her prince and live a life of luxury and joy. Beauty’s Beast would turn out to be a kind, gorgeous man who would take care of her and love her forever. 

No more problems. No worries. Ever!

If only that could be true for me.

Growing up, I had these thoughts:

• Once I have a boyfriend, people will see I’m pretty and popular.
• Once I get married, I will have someone who would put me first and love me forever!
• Once I have children, my life would be perfect. I would be the best mother, with the best children. I would know all the answers. I would be a great teacher to them and prevent them from making the mistakes I made.

In my thirties and onwards, one thought predominated over many others:

• Once I get an agent and a publisher, my worries would be over. I’d write and people would love my books. There would be nothing else to worry about. My life would be set! And if I make the Best Sellers List, well then… need I say more?

And more recently, here is what started rattling around inside my head:

• How perfect would life be if I got movie deals, or TV interviews or if I was rich!!!

I could go on and on. But the thing is, life isn’t like that. Even when I ended up getting what I wanted, I still had an unsettled, niggling something in my heart, or in the pit of my stomach.

Thing is life isn’t all about getting or having. It’s more about feeling. Feeling good about oneself. Feeling happy. Feeling okay. Accepting ourselves for who we are, regardless.

Easy to say. Even easy to figure out. But it’s sure hard to have this realization resonate in my heart and to execute day after day after day.

I’m aware though. That’s a good start anyway.